The "Baby Blues"

I don't really like the term "Baby Blues" because it makes me thing of the larger problem of postpartum depression which is not what I'm talking about, but that seems to be the term that all the books and pamphlets I have received call it, so I'm going with it. What I'm talking about is the incredible hormonal shift that a woman's body goes through during that first week or two after the delivery of a baby.

I had read plenty about it. The doctors warn you, the nurses at the hospital warn you, my doula warned me and pretty much any other mother out there will tell you about it if you ask. For some reason it still caught me by surprise. Maybe it was because my pregnancy over all was such a cakewalk emotion-wise. I never had the emotional side effects of PMS and even during my pregnancy when they tell you how irrational and emotional you can be... well, I pretty much felt normal the entire time. I guess I figured that if my body handled that hormone shift so well, then I wouldn't even feel the postpartum shift.

That is.. until I started crying the day after my son was born and didn't really stop for the first week and a half. I was an emotional wreck and when asked what the matter was I couldn't even break it down the the very basic... I'm happy or I'm sad. Of course it is overwhelming to bring your new baby home. You worry about giving him the proper care etc. We personally had a parade of visitors that you wouldn't believe that I found to be more stressful than helpful. My tears weren't even really about those things-- that would be normal and expected.

Now that I seem to be past this crazy period, my husband laughs about it. He used to always give me trouble about not being much of a crier. I don't tear up at sad movies and unless it is a funeral of a close family member, I usually don't even cry at those. Heck, I don't even cry much when I'm in physical pain. (I seem to just cuss a lot instead.. hee hee.) Well, I have known my husband since I was 16 years old and he says he saw me cry more during that first week than in the entire time I've known him. He would ask what was wrong, what he could do, etc. I couldn't even come up with a coherent answer. Finally, towards the end of that first week when he was asking what he could do to help I laid a barrage of craziness on him that I can't even believe.

I'm sharing this just so any readers...

A) Might not feel alone if they have gone through or will go through the same thing, or

B) Anyone who has a friend or family member who has had a baby might get a glimpse of what their loved one might be going through during that first week or two.

So, the simple questions posed by my husband... Why are you crying? What is wrong? What can I do? My answer?... Lets start with the most rational and then move on to the crazy...

I prefaced it by saying that I start to cry about 30 times a day and each time it is for some different reason. Here is a sampling:

-My son is growing up too fast. (Hilarious for a one week old.) This newborn stage is so fleeting and special. (Instant tears)

-I love the little head turning rooting reflex that newborns have. It makes me laugh. Then I read that it goes away after the first month. (Instant tears)

-We've had far too many visitors and have lost so much of the valuable time alone at home before my husband returns to work. (Instant tears)

-Am I going to be able to handle staying at home alone with him 24/7 after all the visitors have gone. Do I want more visitors? (Instant tears)

-A twinge of pain from my stitches. (Instant tears)

-Being grossed out by some of the "aftermath" of birth. (Instant tears.)

-I'm worried about my first post delivery bowel movement (TMI, but in the end it wasn't painful at all.)

-My baby was on the large side, so he won't fit in his little newborn clothing for long. (Instant tears.)

-My mother is smothering me. (Instant tears.)

-I want my mother here more. (Instant tears)

-My baby sneezed. Oh my god. My one week old has a cold. I am an awful mother. (And no-- all babies sneeze. He did not have a cold) (Instant tears.)

-Someone is going to drive off the road and through the front wall of our house killing us instantly. (I told you they got crazy.) (Instant tears)

-I'm crying all the time. Do I need to go on anti-psychotic medication for postpartum depression? (Instant tears.)

After I was done rattling off all of these things I think my husband finally got the picture. Those new mother hormones are changing so rapidly that my neurons were firing at an unprecedented rate. While some of those thoughts and emotions were legitimate concerns, others were just totally crazy and off the wall. They would come in and out of my brain at the drop of a hat. Of course, there were times that I also felt totally normal. Now that things have stabilized a bit I can look back and see what was really happening to my body. None of that craziness made me enjoy my baby any less, it just felt like I was having a bit of an out of body experience. Maybe down the road after our next baby I will know a little bit of what to expect.

Oh-- and a follow up note. My baby's umbilical cord stump fell off yesterday. This brought on more tears about him growing up so fast and how each stage is just so special. At first I was worried that the teary Anna was back to stay, but then I realized that becoming more emotional comes with the territory. You love more and worry more. That's just part of the blessing of being a mother. :)